wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
wanna know how punk i am??????
*punches a wall*
drive me to the hospital
A comic about my parents. The entirety of their relationship is mutual hatred of the human race.
Just take in that J.K Rowling could have left it at The Deathly Hallows and she didn’t have to make Pottermore or anything she didn’t even have to write an epilogue or anything but she CHOSE to and she CHOSE to write these articles not for money or anything, like she’s literally writing fanfiction about her own story and that’s how cool she is so if you don’t like JK Rowling goodbye because she is actually amazing
have you ever met someone who is like the human version of period cramps
I think this is the first time something has conveyed to me with true clarity just how bad period cramps are.
okay but a story about an asexual pirate who gets made fun of by the crew until he saves all of them from sirens
A pirate for the adventure, not the booty
oh my gosh i want that on a bumper sticker
Trying to pilot a ship here. Thanks.
IT GOT BETTER
When Lily Evans told James Potter that she wouldn’t go out with him because he was a bully, he stopped bullying people and redeemed himself. When Lily told Severus Snape that she wouldn’t go out with him because he called her a racial slur, he went on to join a racist terrorist group.
Conclusion: James Potter handled rejection much better than Severus Snape does.
Every time I think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nuclear weapons and organs.
I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE
WAIT SO THAT’S NOT WHAT IT IS
"QUICK THE COPS ARE COMING!" *everyone frantically tries to collapse their trestle tables*
Sometimes recovery is waking up early to write in coffee shops and practicing yoga and eating lots of fruit and chocolate and sometimes it’s staying in bed all day and hiding from the world until you can stop crying. All of this is okay. What’s important is that you take care of yourself no matter what kind of day you’re having.